How Self-Sabotage impacts Connection with your Teen

Mar 13, 2024

Parenting is an incredible journey filled with ups, downs, and everything in between. 

But if there's one thing that can truly strain your relationship with your teens, it's the sneaky habit of self-sabotage and negative thinking.

Sometimes, despite our best intentions, we find ourselves tangled in a web of negative thoughts that ruin our relationship with our Teens. 

Understanding the Problem

Don’t get me wrong, It's normal to feel overwhelmed or uncertain at times. 

But when those thoughts start to take over, they can become a barrier to a genuine connection with your children.

So if you constantly feed yourself with thoughts like "I failed as a parent" or "They don't want to talk to me because I'm not good enough” you’re not just feeling bad about yourself; you’re also creating barriers between you and your teen. 

Imagine your teen comes home upset about her exam results. Instead of approaching her with empathy and understanding, you blame yourself for not helping her study enough. Sound familiar? It's a tough spot to be in.

You see, when you’re stuck in this cycle of negative self-talk, you’re not exactly in the best headspace to nurture connection so it's hard to show up fully for your children because you’re too busy beating yourself up.

You tend to withdraw, putting up emotional walls to protect yourself from further hurt or disappointment.

Overcoming Self-Sabotage

The good news is you can break free from the cycle of self-sabotage and negative thinking! Here are a few tips to help you get started:

  • Recognize the Pattern: Start by becoming aware of the negative thought patterns when they arise. Notice how they make you feel and impact your interactions with your teen.

  • Practice Self-Compassion: Instead of getting caught up in self-criticism, try showing yourself some compassion. Place your hand on your heart, take a deep breath, and acknowledge your feelings without judgment. Remember, it's okay to struggle sometimes—we're all human.

  • Challenge Your Thoughts: Once you've acknowledged your feelings, challenge the validity of your negative thoughts. Ask yourself, "What is also true about me as a parent?" Focus on your strengths and the moments of connection you've shared with your child.

Building Bridges, Not Walls

As you work through these emotions and start to see yourself in a more positive light, you'll find that your connection with your child begins to strengthen. Remember that parenting with compassion means being gentle with yourself, forgiving your imperfections, and approaching each day with an open heart. 

You are worthy of love and connection, both from yourself and from your child. Trust in your abilities, stay present at the moment and watch as your relationship blossoms into something beautiful and enduring.

And if you are looking for more tips on how to strengthen your connection with your teen, I’ve got something for you! "How to talk to your Teen for Better Connection"

Click here to grab your FREE guide on how to talk to your teen for a better connection.

Teen Power Thoughts