Why Every Teen Needs to Feel Seen, Heard, and Known.

Today I walked into the yoga studio, and I heard a word that calmed my nervous system and screamed, "You belong here!"

"Hi Lindsay"

It was my name.

It was simple, but it had an impact.

I wasn't just another student.

I was someone with identity and importance.

Each of us as humans wants to be known, seen, heard, and to belong.

For me today, the message came through my name.

What is it for your teen?

What does your teen need to feel seen, heard, and known?

Even if your teen shuts themselves in their room, rolls their eyes at almost everything you say, or answers most of your questions with a grunt or "good", their underlying need is to be seen and known by you in a safe, connected way.

This is what allows them to move confidently through the world.

For some teens, even though it is a need for them, it may not feel safe for them to open up with you and to be seen.  They may have been met with too much criticism, impatience, and control in the past for that to feel safe.

Yet, the need is still there.

So, no matter where your relationship with your teen is, try something small today that sends the message to them, "You belong here!!" "I see that this is hard for you", or "I'm open to hearing what you have to say, even if I don't agree".

If your teen is more wary of being seen, it's been unsafe in the past; try, " I noticed you hadn't had a snack since you got home from school, so I made you these, enjoy." No requirement to open up and talk.

If being seen is more comfortable for your teen, try "It's been a while since we've had a good chat. What to go for a walk?" And then do a ton of listening and validating!!

No matter how your teen responds, you are biologically the most important person in their universe, and being seen and known by you will ultimately bring them safety.

Happy connecting!