Sometimes when people see me with my adult girls, they say, “Oh good, it gets better!”

And they are right, it does.

But it is not just the passage of time.

 Sure, time has a way of producing more maturity and learning along the way, but if you’re in a relationship with your teen that is full of conflict, you’re saying things you wish you hadn’t and a lack of closeness, time will not solve all of that.

It requires changing the trajectory now.

It requires learning to approach your teen with “They must be really struggling to respond to me that way”, instead of “They are so disrespectful and rude. What is wrong with them?”

It requires, “It seems like you’re really frustrated right now, I’m here if you want to talk”, instead of “I need this done now, or you’re going to lose your phone for the night.”

It requires pausing and saying nothing at all until you can respond with a kind tone, with softness in your eyes with, “That must have really scared you”, after they accidentally reversed into the garage door.  Instead of “What on earth were you doing?”

Infusing your relationship NOW with compassion, curiosity and connection is what creates strong friendships with your adult children, where they come to your for advice on which shirt to wear on their date or they share their fear that they are not going to make it into the school of their choice.

Vulnerability and connection NOW create vulnerability and connection later.

But it takes more than just time, it takes compassion, curiosity and connection now! And I can help.